My friend Violy wonders why Liz and I don’t get married and we’ve had this on-going conversation over the last few months in the hallway. Yesterday I get this question about decency, that somehow being married is more decent? …
Continuing our discussion about marriage … the decency (conventional?) to introduce this is my wife/husband matters.
Me:
Why?
Who decided that married is decent, unmarried is not? Isn&# 8217;t the nature of the relationship is what matters? The label “married” has nothing to do if the relationship is good or not.
Barely 50% of US adults are married.
Violy:
I am not going to click the link …
I got to thinking on my way to the ladies room that there isn 217;t anything you care about … in what people say or think about you. What matters to you is what you think/feel about yourself. I am not saying it is wrong to think that way. It would almost be one is untouchable.
So can you feel hurt? If you don’t care about what anyone says or think, then you can’t get hurt.
Me:
There are lots of things I care about. I do care and it is important what people think of me and how I live. I do care to be socially accepted. But there are limits to what I will do to be accepted. I will not pray to a make-believe god. Nor wi ll I pretend to just to look like I do. I care how people see my relationship with Liz. It doesn’t need a label to be a good relationship. I care that a loving, respectful, happy relationship is seen because that is what it is, without coercion by a religion or dogma. The social norms have always changed and will change in the future. You live in a world where the marriage label is important, but that may be a shrinking world. You can have that world, it is important to you and I have no problem with it. Just don’t expect me to conform to it.
Violy:
My views are too simplistic and narrow … I realized it after I sent the last email. Sorry …
Me:
Don’t be sorry, it is worthwhile to discuss and think about these things.
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